RABELAIS’ TWO RIVERS OF PARIS, AND HOW OBAMA IS PISSING IT ALL AWAY!

RABELAIS’ TWO RIVERS OF PARIS, AND HOW OBAMA IS PISSING IT ALL
AWAY!
Master Rabelais has preserved two worthy
historical accounts of two great floodings of Paris during the
lives of the heroic giants whose deeds he preserved. The first
was at the time of Gargantua’s first arrival in the city, where
he stood one day leaning upon Notre Dame cathedral, “At which
place, seeing so many about him, he said with a loud voice, I
believe that these buzzards will have me to pay them here my
welcome hither, and my Proficiat. It is but good reason. I will
now give them their wine, but it shall be only in sport. Then
smiling, he untied his fair braguette, and drawing out his mentul
into the open air, he so bitterly all-to-bepissed them, that he
drowned two hundred and sixty thousand, four hundred and
eighteen, besides the women and little children. Some,
nevertheless, of the company escaped this piss-flood by mere
speed of foot, who, when they were at the higher end of the
university, sweating, coughing, spitting, and out of breath, they
began to swear and curse, some in good hot earnest, and others in
jest. Carimari, carimara: golynoly, golynolo. By my sweet
Sanctess, we are washed in sport, a sport truly to laugh at; in
French, Par ris, for which that city hath been ever since called
Paris; whose name formerly was Leucotia, as Strabo testifieth,
lib. quarto, from the Greek word leukotes, whiteness, because of
the white thighs of the ladies of that place.”

The second flooding of Paris, which gave rise to a
still-existing small river (the Bievre), arose from a similar
cause. When a noble lady of Paris rebuffed the advances of
Pantagruel’s friend Panurge, he compounded a drug from certain
parts of a bitch and scattered it on her clothing and bade her
farewell. “Panurge had no sooner spoke this but all the dogs
that were in the church came running to this lady with the smell
of the drugs that he had strewed upon her, both small and great,
big and little, all came, laying out their member, smelling to
her, and pissing everywhere upon her–it was the greatest
villainy in the world. Panurge made the fashion of driving them
away; then took his leave of her and withdrew himself into some
chapel or oratory of the said church to see the sport; for these
villainous dogs did compiss all her habiliments, and left none of
her attire unbesprinkled with their staling; insomuch that a tall
greyhound pissed upon her head, others in her sleeves, others on
her crupper-piece, and the little ones pissed upon her pataines;
so that all the women that were round about her had much ado to
save her….

“But the best was at the procession, in which were seen
above six hundred thousand and fourteen dogs about her, which did
very much trouble and molest her, and whithersoever she passed,
those dogs that came afresh, tracing her footsteps, followed her
at the heels, and pissed in the way where her gown had touched.
All the world stood gazing at this spectacle, considering the
countenance of those dogs, who, leaping up, got about her neck
and spoiled all her gorgeous accoutrements, for the which she
could find no remedy but to retire unto her house, which was a
palace. Thither she went, and the dogs after her; she ran to
hide herself, but the chambermaids could not abstain from
laughing. When she was entered into the house and had shut the
door upon herself, all the dogs came running of half a league
round, and did so well bepiss the gate of her house that there
they made a stream with their urine wherein a duck might have
very well swimmed, and it is the same current that now runs at
St. Victor, in which Gobelin dyeth scarlet, for the specifical
virtue of these piss-dogs, as our master Doribus did heretofore
preach publicly. So may God help you, a mill would have ground
corn with it. Yet not so much as those of Basacle at Toulouse.”

How badly we need such beneficent giants today, and such
rivers. Our great food-growing areas west of the Mississippi are
dead, dry and arid, and becoming worse.

But whereas Pantagruel, Panurge and the giants of olden
times bestirred themselves to work such miracles as these to
create rivers for the needs of men even still today, Obama does
just the opposite. Only today, the Federal Bureau of Reclamation
announced that its allocation of water for farmers in
California’s Central Valley, formerly one of the world’s most
productive agricultural regions, would be zero for all but a few
farmers. The California State Water Project had already made its
own announcement of the same thing. Texas is in almost as bad a
shape; most of the nation west of the Mississippi is drying up.

What has Obama done? Has he revived the North American
Water and Power Alliance, which was planned under the Kennedy
Administation to deal with this problem? No. Has he expanded
nuclear desalination, also exhaustively planned under Kennedy?
No.

Instead, he has pissed away what little water and food we
still have left, in insane “green” schemes dreamed up by his
mistress, Queen Elizabeth II. Forty to 45% of our corn supply is
wasted by being made into an inefficient ethanol additive to
gasoline. The US corn turned into ethanol in 2011 could have
instead fed 400 milion people. The corn made into one 25-gallon
gas tank of pure ethanol alone, could feed one person for a year
in a hungry USA. And the 14 billion gallons of ethanol produced
here in 2011 wasted over 50 billion gallons of water to process
it,– not including the water used to grow the corn.

Production of expensive gas and petroleum by hydraulic
fracturing (fracking), another crazy idea of Obama’s Empress,
Queen Elizabeth, is consuming huge volumes of water,– an
estimated 45 billion gallons a year, which is being pumped
directly into the shale deposits, where 95% of the water is
simply polluted and lost. Nearly half (47%) of the oil and gas
wells opened by fracking in the US and Canada are in areas of
high water stress. In California, New Mexico and Wyoming, the
majority of wells have been drilled in areas of extreme water
scarcity. In Texas, over 9,000 wells are in extemely water-short
areas, and another 9,000 are in dry-prone locations.

For those of us who like to eat (or even those who only
prefer to eat), only two choices remain for us now: If we don’t
simply out-and-out die from embarrassment at having such a
dried-up piece of shit for a so-called President, then the only
alternative is to remove him through impeachment before the first
of March.

This entry was posted in Classical Culture, Impeach Obama, Metaphor, Nerobama, Satire and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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